I am surprised by the continued support and attention my little dating experiment has received over the past year. Many of you will have noticed that I signed off on this #eHarmony experiment once my account had been active for a year and I chose not to continue using it. As anyone who has read this blog will know, the algorithm used by #eHarmony didn't work for me. I met one man in person and we didn't have any common interest or chemistry. That was the highlight of my experience and that's not saying much.
I don't have any access to statistics for any online dating company. However, I believe that there maybe many women in my age category (over 40) who have sought out online dating sites to find a potential relationship partner. It's a challenge for us to meet single men to date as the pool of available, age appropriate men gets smaller in the 40s.
Let's face it, it's easier to meet people when we are younger. Generally, we are surrounded by social peers both at school and in our cities/towns. As we age this social grouping tends to falter due to a variety of reasons. This includes people marrying, moving, starting families and just the general gravitational pull that happens when common interests change.
I have heard from several people who experienced these situations via email since launching this blog. Mostly, I have heard from women who have had similar online dating experiences. One of my friends is using #Match.com and isn't fairing much better than I was. While she is able to browse and search out men on the site (something I consider a plus) she also finds several fake profiles that write to her in broken English and come across as phishing scams. In fact, one "man" who wrote her had his profile altered to be a woman with different photos but the same written content. Obviously, this is a fraud account and probably being utilized by multiple people. I wondered if the dating sites look into reports of that?
I titled this entry as Contemplating, not because I want to try another dating site, but I'd like to ask you - my readers - to write in about your experiences. Perhaps together we can find alternative ways to online date safely or discover new outlets and gathering places to do so. Would any of you like to interact, discuss and discover these things? Please comment below or email me directly. And thank you for reading!
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Chapter 11 - Heading Towards the End
My "Great Date Experiment" is drawing to a close.
I have attempted to meet a man via eHarmony for a year and have met only one man in person who turned out to not be a match. I've been sent men as far away as South Africa and New Zealand for potential dates. While exotic on one level, these are completely unrealistic choices. I don't expect someone to travel several thousand miles to meet me or visa versa. I have been sent many "matches" that are incomplete profiles with no information or photos. I expect that these were to uphold the website promise of sending you something regularly.
My big discovery is that a website that controls who you are matched with is the electronic equivalent to letting my elderly Aunt set me up on a blind date. I have no control or choice in the matter other than to say "yes" or "no".
I had considered joining Match.com, but after reviewing their site and options have decided against it. Again, what is being presented to me isn't of interest. Instead of enticing me to fork out $75.00 it has had the opposite effect. I'm saving my money and looking at being more social with humans off line.
Thus, ends my online dating adventure.
I have attempted to meet a man via eHarmony for a year and have met only one man in person who turned out to not be a match. I've been sent men as far away as South Africa and New Zealand for potential dates. While exotic on one level, these are completely unrealistic choices. I don't expect someone to travel several thousand miles to meet me or visa versa. I have been sent many "matches" that are incomplete profiles with no information or photos. I expect that these were to uphold the website promise of sending you something regularly.
My big discovery is that a website that controls who you are matched with is the electronic equivalent to letting my elderly Aunt set me up on a blind date. I have no control or choice in the matter other than to say "yes" or "no".
I had considered joining Match.com, but after reviewing their site and options have decided against it. Again, what is being presented to me isn't of interest. Instead of enticing me to fork out $75.00 it has had the opposite effect. I'm saving my money and looking at being more social with humans off line.
Thus, ends my online dating adventure.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Chapter 10 - Six Month Check In
It has now been six months since I joined eHarmony. At this time, I have only met one man and it wasn't a match. As I've mentioned, I generally receive "matches" that are only "of possible interest" in the opinion of the algorithm.
In order to have more success on the site, I have opened up my location to attract a wider group of potential dates and to allow anyone in the world to be connected with me. This has provided more potential matches which increases during promotional time frames. However, I have received notes stating that some matches aren't officially members of eHarmony and they provide an alternate email to reach them. I immediately delete these options. If they aren't connected through the site and willing to take the steps provided then how do I know that they are legitimate? A part of me feels that I may receive a note via email asking for funds or information that are part of phishing scams.
What I am finding on the eHarmony are more technical glitches. I often receive the same "matches" that I've rejected and appear to have a loop of the same 7 profiles for the past two months or so. Of these 7 "matches", 4 are blank profiles with no pictures or in-depth information. I dismiss these, but it doesn't prevent them from being presented again. I am unsure why this continues.
Additionally, I discovered that some profiles listed on the "What if" page are no longer available when I click to view them. It simply states, "xxx has left eHarmony allowing for new exciting matches to be sent your way." (This isn't the exact wording.) Somehow these unavailable profiles become part of my new "matches" within days. It is unclear if they are now current or still removed from the site. It's confusing. To me, it appears that the algorithm is picking up on my potential interest via the click and opting to present the profile, valid or otherwise.
My belief is that there are many more women on the site than men in my age category. I am unable to substantiate these beliefs at this time. Unless I open up a forum to communicate with women on eHarmony and poll the information, it's just a gut feeling.
Ultimately, I feel that eHarmony isn't working because the power is in the algorithm. I can't search, choose or view anything that isn't presented to me. There are no gathering options, either virtual or physical, to allow any other possibilities. With this all in mind, I believe that the remaining 6 months on my profile will continue to be unsuccessful.
I am now curious as to how Match.com would work. It appears that they allow people on the site to have some say in who they meet and what is available. I don't know if there numbers will be any better, but at least I don't have to sit back and wait for an algorithm to send me something. With Match.com, I may have some sense of control and be able to do more to ensure meeting new men.
In order to have more success on the site, I have opened up my location to attract a wider group of potential dates and to allow anyone in the world to be connected with me. This has provided more potential matches which increases during promotional time frames. However, I have received notes stating that some matches aren't officially members of eHarmony and they provide an alternate email to reach them. I immediately delete these options. If they aren't connected through the site and willing to take the steps provided then how do I know that they are legitimate? A part of me feels that I may receive a note via email asking for funds or information that are part of phishing scams.
What I am finding on the eHarmony are more technical glitches. I often receive the same "matches" that I've rejected and appear to have a loop of the same 7 profiles for the past two months or so. Of these 7 "matches", 4 are blank profiles with no pictures or in-depth information. I dismiss these, but it doesn't prevent them from being presented again. I am unsure why this continues.
Additionally, I discovered that some profiles listed on the "What if" page are no longer available when I click to view them. It simply states, "xxx has left eHarmony allowing for new exciting matches to be sent your way." (This isn't the exact wording.) Somehow these unavailable profiles become part of my new "matches" within days. It is unclear if they are now current or still removed from the site. It's confusing. To me, it appears that the algorithm is picking up on my potential interest via the click and opting to present the profile, valid or otherwise.
My belief is that there are many more women on the site than men in my age category. I am unable to substantiate these beliefs at this time. Unless I open up a forum to communicate with women on eHarmony and poll the information, it's just a gut feeling.
Ultimately, I feel that eHarmony isn't working because the power is in the algorithm. I can't search, choose or view anything that isn't presented to me. There are no gathering options, either virtual or physical, to allow any other possibilities. With this all in mind, I believe that the remaining 6 months on my profile will continue to be unsuccessful.
I am now curious as to how Match.com would work. It appears that they allow people on the site to have some say in who they meet and what is available. I don't know if there numbers will be any better, but at least I don't have to sit back and wait for an algorithm to send me something. With Match.com, I may have some sense of control and be able to do more to ensure meeting new men.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Number 9 - World Wide Glitches
It's been a bit since I updated this blog and discussed my misadventures on eHarmony. Forgive me for this. Honestly, very little has occurred that is worth writing about for the past month. Here's what is currently happening on the site:
1) I opened up my location choice to the entire world. I have been very curious if my age group and gender preference (male) is limited on the website. I decided to see if I get a larger number of matches by eliminating location limits. My discovery is that there aren't a lot of men IN THIS WORLD that would be well matched with me. I don't get many "blue" matches, I get sent more "green" possiblities. Very telling.
2) More glitches in the system. I keep receiving the same 5 "possible" matches over and over again even after I remove them or block them. Out of these 5, 3 are blank profiles. Not very encouraging.
3) Men in Australia, Canada & New Zealand like me. I don't know why. New pen pals, perhaps?
As of today, it has been 6 months since I joined eHarmony. I still feel that dating websites work best for younger people in a much more populated location. So far, the site is proving this point of view.
1) I opened up my location choice to the entire world. I have been very curious if my age group and gender preference (male) is limited on the website. I decided to see if I get a larger number of matches by eliminating location limits. My discovery is that there aren't a lot of men IN THIS WORLD that would be well matched with me. I don't get many "blue" matches, I get sent more "green" possiblities. Very telling.
2) More glitches in the system. I keep receiving the same 5 "possible" matches over and over again even after I remove them or block them. Out of these 5, 3 are blank profiles. Not very encouraging.
3) Men in Australia, Canada & New Zealand like me. I don't know why. New pen pals, perhaps?
As of today, it has been 6 months since I joined eHarmony. I still feel that dating websites work best for younger people in a much more populated location. So far, the site is proving this point of view.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Chapter 8 - Let's Go USA
I stepped away from eHarmony for approximately 1 week and found that very little had happened. The same issues still applied: blank profiles, few profiles and bugs in the system. I was discouraged so, I decided to make some changes.
I altered my distance to focus on specific states instead. I chose the one I live in and the one next to me. I believed that there must be a few matches in 2 states, right? Well, after another week, I realized I was wrong. Apparently, there are very few men that the algorithm would consider a "match" with me. Again, more discouragement.
Once more, I decided to expand on the area and broadened my distance to my country. With a chant "let's go USA", I launched into highly unlikely dating opportunities. What have I discovered? Men in New York, Ohio, California and Pennsylvania are matches for me according to the algorithm. Of course, the chances of meeting any of these men is limited. I don't plan on going on any extended road trips or flights for a date. That being stated, I don't expect a man to do so either. No one really joins a dating website to develop a long-distance relationship or a pen pal. Do they? The key here is dating website.
A friend of mine sent me a recent article from NPR on online dating. He thought it may be of use for this blog. The article uses a vague breakdown from a poll conducted by the Pew Center and splits this information to negative vs. positive experiences. What did I take away from it? The percentages of sites used. Only a quarter of those polled (which excluded ages and gender details, by the way) used eHarmony. The majority of those who were seeking love online were using Match.com.
Now, I'm unsure of the details as I mentioned above. The Pew Center website that linked to the survey only noted that those polled were 18 or older. I feel that statistics on gender, age, sexual orientation, type of relationship sought and specifics (i.e., religion, hobbies, etc.) are all significant. Let's just say that in world of older women in the Christian community that are seeking a Christian marriage the percentage would be different than those of young women without religious preference to open the door to causal dating opportunities. I believe that the more specific the details in a poll are (including niche sites: dating for bikers, specific religions, etc.) would further illuminate the online dating picture. That being said, this article is just fluff. Judge for yourself. The link is at the bottom of this entry.
Where does this leave me? Well, let's just say I opened the door to new pen pal opportunities via eHarmony.
Comments anyone?
http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/10/21/239084643/online-dating-is-on-the-rise-but-there-are-still-haters?utm_source=NPR&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20131021
I altered my distance to focus on specific states instead. I chose the one I live in and the one next to me. I believed that there must be a few matches in 2 states, right? Well, after another week, I realized I was wrong. Apparently, there are very few men that the algorithm would consider a "match" with me. Again, more discouragement.
Once more, I decided to expand on the area and broadened my distance to my country. With a chant "let's go USA", I launched into highly unlikely dating opportunities. What have I discovered? Men in New York, Ohio, California and Pennsylvania are matches for me according to the algorithm. Of course, the chances of meeting any of these men is limited. I don't plan on going on any extended road trips or flights for a date. That being stated, I don't expect a man to do so either. No one really joins a dating website to develop a long-distance relationship or a pen pal. Do they? The key here is dating website.
A friend of mine sent me a recent article from NPR on online dating. He thought it may be of use for this blog. The article uses a vague breakdown from a poll conducted by the Pew Center and splits this information to negative vs. positive experiences. What did I take away from it? The percentages of sites used. Only a quarter of those polled (which excluded ages and gender details, by the way) used eHarmony. The majority of those who were seeking love online were using Match.com.
Now, I'm unsure of the details as I mentioned above. The Pew Center website that linked to the survey only noted that those polled were 18 or older. I feel that statistics on gender, age, sexual orientation, type of relationship sought and specifics (i.e., religion, hobbies, etc.) are all significant. Let's just say that in world of older women in the Christian community that are seeking a Christian marriage the percentage would be different than those of young women without religious preference to open the door to causal dating opportunities. I believe that the more specific the details in a poll are (including niche sites: dating for bikers, specific religions, etc.) would further illuminate the online dating picture. That being said, this article is just fluff. Judge for yourself. The link is at the bottom of this entry.
Where does this leave me? Well, let's just say I opened the door to new pen pal opportunities via eHarmony.
Comments anyone?
http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/10/21/239084643/online-dating-is-on-the-rise-but-there-are-still-haters?utm_source=NPR&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=20131021
Monday, October 7, 2013
Chapter 7 - Another Bug
I have discovered another eHarmony bug.
I have pointed out that I often receive empty profiles as matches. I generally open them just to see what other information, if any, is posted. This week I found that when I opened the blank profiles photos appeared. I'm unsure what type of glitch this is, but I hope it is corrected.
I have pointed out that I often receive empty profiles as matches. I generally open them just to see what other information, if any, is posted. This week I found that when I opened the blank profiles photos appeared. I'm unsure what type of glitch this is, but I hope it is corrected.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Chapter 6 - Meeting
For the first time since joining eHarmony, I met a "match" face to face. He was a nice man, but it wasn't a click for either of us. However, I was enlightened to a few things about the site.
1) There are more women than men on the site.
On average, this man was sent approx. 20 matches per day. So many, that he didn't have time to review them all. It was a skim situation for him. He also let me know that other male friends of his had the same experience. This explains so much. While I'm getting blank profiles (still, to this day), he's getting matched with many real woman. He has plenty of choices, while I have very few. On average, I receive 1 to 3 matches often with 2 of the 3 being blank.
He's been on eHarmony for 1 month, I've been on it for 3 months. Already, he's ahead of the game.
2) The site has many bugs that cause communication issues.
There are several little bugs to the site that cause their emails not to be received properly. As a matter of fact, sometimes they are lost completely unless you click on the persons profile to find it. Then there are the times that it gives an error message and asks one to log back in to correct the problem. Sometimes photos don't appear after uploading them or disappear for no known reason.
2) Everyone is communicating with several folks at the same time.
This was just a confirmation of something I believed anyhow. Not a surprise.
I'm beginning to believe that I'd have better luck hanging around the grocery market in a nice outfit. I just have to find the right market.
1) There are more women than men on the site.
On average, this man was sent approx. 20 matches per day. So many, that he didn't have time to review them all. It was a skim situation for him. He also let me know that other male friends of his had the same experience. This explains so much. While I'm getting blank profiles (still, to this day), he's getting matched with many real woman. He has plenty of choices, while I have very few. On average, I receive 1 to 3 matches often with 2 of the 3 being blank.
He's been on eHarmony for 1 month, I've been on it for 3 months. Already, he's ahead of the game.
2) The site has many bugs that cause communication issues.
There are several little bugs to the site that cause their emails not to be received properly. As a matter of fact, sometimes they are lost completely unless you click on the persons profile to find it. Then there are the times that it gives an error message and asks one to log back in to correct the problem. Sometimes photos don't appear after uploading them or disappear for no known reason.
2) Everyone is communicating with several folks at the same time.
This was just a confirmation of something I believed anyhow. Not a surprise.
I'm beginning to believe that I'd have better luck hanging around the grocery market in a nice outfit. I just have to find the right market.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)