I am surprised by the continued support and attention my little dating experiment has received over the past year. Many of you will have noticed that I signed off on this #eHarmony experiment once my account had been active for a year and I chose not to continue using it. As anyone who has read this blog will know, the algorithm used by #eHarmony didn't work for me. I met one man in person and we didn't have any common interest or chemistry. That was the highlight of my experience and that's not saying much.
I don't have any access to statistics for any online dating company. However, I believe that there maybe many women in my age category (over 40) who have sought out online dating sites to find a potential relationship partner. It's a challenge for us to meet single men to date as the pool of available, age appropriate men gets smaller in the 40s.
Let's face it, it's easier to meet people when we are younger. Generally, we are surrounded by social peers both at school and in our cities/towns. As we age this social grouping tends to falter due to a variety of reasons. This includes people marrying, moving, starting families and just the general gravitational pull that happens when common interests change.
I have heard from several people who experienced these situations via email since launching this blog. Mostly, I have heard from women who have had similar online dating experiences. One of my friends is using #Match.com and isn't fairing much better than I was. While she is able to browse and search out men on the site (something I consider a plus) she also finds several fake profiles that write to her in broken English and come across as phishing scams. In fact, one "man" who wrote her had his profile altered to be a woman with different photos but the same written content. Obviously, this is a fraud account and probably being utilized by multiple people. I wondered if the dating sites look into reports of that?
I titled this entry as Contemplating, not because I want to try another dating site, but I'd like to ask you - my readers - to write in about your experiences. Perhaps together we can find alternative ways to online date safely or discover new outlets and gathering places to do so. Would any of you like to interact, discuss and discover these things? Please comment below or email me directly. And thank you for reading!
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Chapter 11 - Heading Towards the End
My "Great Date Experiment" is drawing to a close.
I have attempted to meet a man via eHarmony for a year and have met only one man in person who turned out to not be a match. I've been sent men as far away as South Africa and New Zealand for potential dates. While exotic on one level, these are completely unrealistic choices. I don't expect someone to travel several thousand miles to meet me or visa versa. I have been sent many "matches" that are incomplete profiles with no information or photos. I expect that these were to uphold the website promise of sending you something regularly.
My big discovery is that a website that controls who you are matched with is the electronic equivalent to letting my elderly Aunt set me up on a blind date. I have no control or choice in the matter other than to say "yes" or "no".
I had considered joining Match.com, but after reviewing their site and options have decided against it. Again, what is being presented to me isn't of interest. Instead of enticing me to fork out $75.00 it has had the opposite effect. I'm saving my money and looking at being more social with humans off line.
Thus, ends my online dating adventure.
I have attempted to meet a man via eHarmony for a year and have met only one man in person who turned out to not be a match. I've been sent men as far away as South Africa and New Zealand for potential dates. While exotic on one level, these are completely unrealistic choices. I don't expect someone to travel several thousand miles to meet me or visa versa. I have been sent many "matches" that are incomplete profiles with no information or photos. I expect that these were to uphold the website promise of sending you something regularly.
My big discovery is that a website that controls who you are matched with is the electronic equivalent to letting my elderly Aunt set me up on a blind date. I have no control or choice in the matter other than to say "yes" or "no".
I had considered joining Match.com, but after reviewing their site and options have decided against it. Again, what is being presented to me isn't of interest. Instead of enticing me to fork out $75.00 it has had the opposite effect. I'm saving my money and looking at being more social with humans off line.
Thus, ends my online dating adventure.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Chapter 10 - Six Month Check In
It has now been six months since I joined eHarmony. At this time, I have only met one man and it wasn't a match. As I've mentioned, I generally receive "matches" that are only "of possible interest" in the opinion of the algorithm.
In order to have more success on the site, I have opened up my location to attract a wider group of potential dates and to allow anyone in the world to be connected with me. This has provided more potential matches which increases during promotional time frames. However, I have received notes stating that some matches aren't officially members of eHarmony and they provide an alternate email to reach them. I immediately delete these options. If they aren't connected through the site and willing to take the steps provided then how do I know that they are legitimate? A part of me feels that I may receive a note via email asking for funds or information that are part of phishing scams.
What I am finding on the eHarmony are more technical glitches. I often receive the same "matches" that I've rejected and appear to have a loop of the same 7 profiles for the past two months or so. Of these 7 "matches", 4 are blank profiles with no pictures or in-depth information. I dismiss these, but it doesn't prevent them from being presented again. I am unsure why this continues.
Additionally, I discovered that some profiles listed on the "What if" page are no longer available when I click to view them. It simply states, "xxx has left eHarmony allowing for new exciting matches to be sent your way." (This isn't the exact wording.) Somehow these unavailable profiles become part of my new "matches" within days. It is unclear if they are now current or still removed from the site. It's confusing. To me, it appears that the algorithm is picking up on my potential interest via the click and opting to present the profile, valid or otherwise.
My belief is that there are many more women on the site than men in my age category. I am unable to substantiate these beliefs at this time. Unless I open up a forum to communicate with women on eHarmony and poll the information, it's just a gut feeling.
Ultimately, I feel that eHarmony isn't working because the power is in the algorithm. I can't search, choose or view anything that isn't presented to me. There are no gathering options, either virtual or physical, to allow any other possibilities. With this all in mind, I believe that the remaining 6 months on my profile will continue to be unsuccessful.
I am now curious as to how Match.com would work. It appears that they allow people on the site to have some say in who they meet and what is available. I don't know if there numbers will be any better, but at least I don't have to sit back and wait for an algorithm to send me something. With Match.com, I may have some sense of control and be able to do more to ensure meeting new men.
In order to have more success on the site, I have opened up my location to attract a wider group of potential dates and to allow anyone in the world to be connected with me. This has provided more potential matches which increases during promotional time frames. However, I have received notes stating that some matches aren't officially members of eHarmony and they provide an alternate email to reach them. I immediately delete these options. If they aren't connected through the site and willing to take the steps provided then how do I know that they are legitimate? A part of me feels that I may receive a note via email asking for funds or information that are part of phishing scams.
What I am finding on the eHarmony are more technical glitches. I often receive the same "matches" that I've rejected and appear to have a loop of the same 7 profiles for the past two months or so. Of these 7 "matches", 4 are blank profiles with no pictures or in-depth information. I dismiss these, but it doesn't prevent them from being presented again. I am unsure why this continues.
Additionally, I discovered that some profiles listed on the "What if" page are no longer available when I click to view them. It simply states, "xxx has left eHarmony allowing for new exciting matches to be sent your way." (This isn't the exact wording.) Somehow these unavailable profiles become part of my new "matches" within days. It is unclear if they are now current or still removed from the site. It's confusing. To me, it appears that the algorithm is picking up on my potential interest via the click and opting to present the profile, valid or otherwise.
My belief is that there are many more women on the site than men in my age category. I am unable to substantiate these beliefs at this time. Unless I open up a forum to communicate with women on eHarmony and poll the information, it's just a gut feeling.
Ultimately, I feel that eHarmony isn't working because the power is in the algorithm. I can't search, choose or view anything that isn't presented to me. There are no gathering options, either virtual or physical, to allow any other possibilities. With this all in mind, I believe that the remaining 6 months on my profile will continue to be unsuccessful.
I am now curious as to how Match.com would work. It appears that they allow people on the site to have some say in who they meet and what is available. I don't know if there numbers will be any better, but at least I don't have to sit back and wait for an algorithm to send me something. With Match.com, I may have some sense of control and be able to do more to ensure meeting new men.
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