Chapter 6 - Meeting

For the first time since joining eHarmony, I met a "match" face to face.  He was a nice man, but it wasn't a click for either of us.  However, I was enlightened to a few things about the site.

1) There are more women than men on the site. 

    On average, this man was sent approx. 20 matches per day. So many, that he didn't have time to review them all. It was a skim situation for him. He also let me know that other male friends of his had the same experience.  This explains so much. While I'm getting blank profiles (still, to this day), he's getting matched with many real woman. He has plenty of choices, while I have very few.  On average, I receive 1 to 3 matches often with 2 of the 3 being blank. 

    He's been on eHarmony for 1 month, I've been on it for 3 months. Already, he's ahead of the game.

2) The site has many bugs that cause communication issues.

    There are several little bugs to the site that cause their emails not to be received properly.  As a matter of fact, sometimes they are lost completely unless you click on the persons profile to find it. Then there are the times that it gives an error message and asks one to log back in to correct the problem. Sometimes photos don't appear after uploading them or disappear for no known reason.

2) Everyone is communicating with several folks at the same time.

    This was just a confirmation of something I believed anyhow. Not a surprise.

I'm beginning to believe that I'd have better luck hanging around the grocery market in a nice outfit. I just have to find the right market.

    
   

Chapter 5 - Month 3

This is the first quarter of my Great Date Experiment and it feels like a big fail at the moment. It would be helpful if were I able to do searches and look at options or if eHarmony held events like Match.com does.  Right now, I'm at the site's mercy. If the matches don't appeal to me, then I'm just out of luck and $180.00.  Direct questions aren't answered by their representatives even when I post this blog or email them through the site. I was just sent a survey after my initial call. This generated another email survey after my responses read "poor" in regard to the quality of their "assistance".

It's my third month as an eHarmony member and none of my "matches" have led to a meeting and/or date. I understand that the way their system works is that all the matches are chosen based on the initial questionnaire answers.  The problem is that not everyone completes a profile after answering these. If you have been reading this blog, you know I've had this complaint since the beginning. Nothing has been changed or altered.  I'm still being matched with faceless men that have only basic information or vague information on their profile page.  Just a hint: if you aren't comfortable listing your job title or the closest city/town to where you live, internet dating probably isn't for you.

Since I am still locked into this contract, I will continue to use the site and see if anything changes. I canceled the "automatic renewal" once I was allowed to do so. I suppose my next thought is if I would consider joining a different site after this membership expires. Maybe Match?

Chapter 4 - The Free Long Weekend Blues

This past holiday weekend eHarmony had a promotion. The site regularly offers non-members the opportunity to connect with people for a limited time at no cost. Generally, this is done over a long weekend. In fact, this is the same type of offer that enticed me to join this past July. As a marketing tool it has merit. After all, I'm sure many new members join during these promotions. However, it can be a bit disappointing for current members.  Why, you ask? Simple: there seems to be a higher number of empty profiles created during these time frames and they wind up in the pool of “matches” presented to members.

How can I be so sure of this? Well, I had 3 matches sent to me this weekend that had no photo, no information, and one even had no name.  That was special: no name, no photo and under the occupation it read, “not willing to disclose”.  Perhaps the algorithm believes that he could be the man for me, but any human being would be wise enough to see that couldn’t be the case.

There needs to be a better tool in place to prevent this type of faulty profile from being presented as matches.  Can you address this please, eHarmony?

Step Three - Alpha

After my last entry, I uploaded new photos that I had taken while out on the town with friends. I noted that loading new photos onto my profile immediately gets a response. I’m not sure if it’s the pictures themselves that are causing an interest or that the update triggers some sort of new rotation status in my profile page.

I continue to review my matches on eHarmony and have begun to recognize that I am cast in an unfamiliar role here: the alpha. While some women are very comfortable approaching a man directly, I am not. I’ll smile and flirt to see if there is any interest as well as indicate that I am attracted.  Generally, I wait to see if a man will approach. I know that’s old fashioned. Hell, I’m closer to 50 than 20.

The way eHarmony works is the computer program presents you with matches. You have to go through everyone, that can be as many as 9 or as few as 1, and choose to make the first move.  There are only two options: send a wink of interest or five questions. I have found that sending a basic wink is often well received while sending out a list of 5 questions isn’t always appreciated. Unless you upgrade (an additional cost), you don’t know who is shown you as a potential match.  One can venture a guess by looking at the page that shows all activity. Updates on who views whose page are listed there.

 

Here’s my big complaint: incomplete profiles without photos are often presented to me as potential match material. There isn’t a way for me to filter these out. The computer program is choosing potential partners for me based on the applicant’s original questionnaire.  If they decide not to complete an actual profile than it is moot. It appears they wind up in the system even if the profiles aren’t actually active members.

I look at online dating as walking into a cyber restaurant. If you were to walk up to a waiting area with mute men wearing bags over their heads would you be encouraged to stay there? Let me guess: probably not.

I have been approached by a few men on the site and began the process of the eHarmony “interview”. I can say that they appear to be nice men and some are very attractive. I still haven’t met anyone. After two months of this, I’m a discouraged but determined to continue on. I may as well. I’m still paying for it.