Step Three - Alpha

After my last entry, I uploaded new photos that I had taken while out on the town with friends. I noted that loading new photos onto my profile immediately gets a response. I’m not sure if it’s the pictures themselves that are causing an interest or that the update triggers some sort of new rotation status in my profile page.

I continue to review my matches on eHarmony and have begun to recognize that I am cast in an unfamiliar role here: the alpha. While some women are very comfortable approaching a man directly, I am not. I’ll smile and flirt to see if there is any interest as well as indicate that I am attracted.  Generally, I wait to see if a man will approach. I know that’s old fashioned. Hell, I’m closer to 50 than 20.

The way eHarmony works is the computer program presents you with matches. You have to go through everyone, that can be as many as 9 or as few as 1, and choose to make the first move.  There are only two options: send a wink of interest or five questions. I have found that sending a basic wink is often well received while sending out a list of 5 questions isn’t always appreciated. Unless you upgrade (an additional cost), you don’t know who is shown you as a potential match.  One can venture a guess by looking at the page that shows all activity. Updates on who views whose page are listed there.

 

Here’s my big complaint: incomplete profiles without photos are often presented to me as potential match material. There isn’t a way for me to filter these out. The computer program is choosing potential partners for me based on the applicant’s original questionnaire.  If they decide not to complete an actual profile than it is moot. It appears they wind up in the system even if the profiles aren’t actually active members.

I look at online dating as walking into a cyber restaurant. If you were to walk up to a waiting area with mute men wearing bags over their heads would you be encouraged to stay there? Let me guess: probably not.

I have been approached by a few men on the site and began the process of the eHarmony “interview”. I can say that they appear to be nice men and some are very attractive. I still haven’t met anyone. After two months of this, I’m a discouraged but determined to continue on. I may as well. I’m still paying for it.